dreadfully grateful

Honestly, I hate technology. I started blogging a long while ago but then got sidetracked by having another baby, something I consider as the real stuff of life. A few years later when I went to check on my blog again there had been so much traffic and comments on it that for a moment I thought I must have become famous, though I was baffled because I realize that I do not write the kind of content that garners fame. Of course, I had been hit by porn-bots. Well, my dear husband blocked the bots, but really....I kind of lost my desire to try to connect with this mess called humanity. It is just so unpredictable. It may be pointed out that the experience gave me more power to predict, because after that experience I'm not often so shocked. But the bot experience did crush my naive little hopes, I don't really much care about blogging and I don't expect to be famous or even make a buck from it. My naive little hopes are much less concrete. I hope that humanity is evolving in a way that can allow for everyone to participate, and that people would avoid hurting one another as well as themselves, avoid hurting other life, the ecosystems, the planet, that they would learn to consider the future not just immediate profits and gratification. But the preponderance of evidence just doesn't point in that direction. Certainly there is some evidence, however it is mighty lean. I have always been aware of the dark underbelly of society, but it seems now that it is glaringly obtuse, especially while watching so much of our collective efforts at a better society all go belly up. I suppose only 'Trump despisers' are in my camp on this assumption. These dreadful times really are only a harbinger of change, but I am not so smug in my certainty that humanity has the capacity to solve the socio-economic problems facing the planet and ourselves. I have to admit that impressions are subject to whimsy and tomorrow I may not feel so dour. Therein lies my hope and the capacity to get up in the morning and march through my day of self-rationing plastic enrobed conveniences and carnal comforts, while sending existential dread to the back seat. Though it will never be silenced, at least I can keep it a lunge away from grabbing the wheel from me and careening off the tarmac.